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Jealousy Is a Wasted Emotion
by Joshua Millburn
We all get jealous, don’t we? Actually, no, not everyone experiences jealousy as an
emotion.
I don’t get jealous. That’s a weird thing to read, isn’t? Well, it’s a weird thing to
say, too. But it’s true. I don’t experience jealously as an emotion. I experience sadness,
happiness, anger, euphoria, and a plethora of other emotions, but not jealousy.
Why? Because, unlike many emotions, I can choose to not experience jealousy.
After years of observing people getting jealous in myriad ways, I understand that
our culture is riddled with jealousy and envy and greed, all of which are by-products of
our competitive, consumer driven culture.
What’s worse is that it’s far more pernicious than we think. Competition breeds
jealousy, though we often give to prettier labels like “competitive spirit” or “stick-toitiveness”
or “ambition.”
But the truth is that jealousy leads to certain cultural imperatives—e.g., keeping
up with the Joneses, as it were. Thus, we envy Mr. and Mrs. Jones for their money and
their large house and their luxury cars and their big boat and their weekend retreat and
their fancy vacations and all of their stuff—all of the trappings of our heavily-mediated
society.
But we don’t get jealous solely over material possessions. We also get jealous over
our relationships. We think our friends don’t spend enough time with us, our lovers
don’t care about us as much as they should, our customers aren’t loyal enough. It all
revolves around us. He doesn’t spend enough time with me. She doesn’t care enough
about me. We think this way because it’s hard to back away from ourselves, it’s hard to
realize I am not the center of the universe.
There is good news though. Like our televisions, we can chose to turn it off. We
can choose to remove jealousy from our emotional arsenal. And like TV, it’s not always
easy to turn off (it sure seems interesting sometimes, doesn’t it?) But turning off
jealousy can significantly improve one’s emotional health. Because, at the end of the
day, jealousy is never useful. Many negative emotions can be useful—pain tells us
something is wrong, fear tells us to look before we leap, etc.—but jealousy, no matter
how jealous we get, will never help.
But How?
The easiest way to turn jealousy off is to stop questioning other people’s intentions. We
often get jealous because we think a person meant one thing by their actions, when they
meant something totally different. And the truth is that you’ll never know someone’s
real intent, so it’s a waste of time to question it.
If you’re struggling with questioning someone’s intent, you can do one of two
things:
1. Ask them what they meant by their actions/words.
2. Accept that you will never know their true intent, no matter how much you
question it.
The bottom line with jealousy: You can turn it off. You can stop questioning other
people’s intent. A better life is waiting on the other side of jealousy.
Last Date to Apply is Wednesday, 12th August, 2015.
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